Lockdown Limerick Results

1st Place –

Lockdown:  A Cautionary Tale

Well working from home, who’d have thought.

Of the problems with which this is fraught.

Like lighting and seating,

On video Skype meetings,

Wearing just Speedos without getting caught.

By Jonathan Hayward

 

2nd Place –

So we’re in the pandemic of ’20,

Two metres apart, yes that’s plenty,

And before you do ask,

Kindly put on your mask,

I don’t want to be your infectee!

By Jason White

 

Joint 3rd Place –

Lockdown is no fun I huff puff and moan

As I sit in my room bored and alone

Pubs are closed, no friends to meet

Nothing left to do but eat

Now I have five chins and weigh twenty stone

By Kathryn Burns

 

When lockdown was first put in place,

Of toilet rolls there was no trace

So I took on the task

To fashion a mask

And that wiped the smile from my face!

By David Bishop

 

 

Entries –

So you want a little poem

About my experience of working from home

It’s been odd

Being on my todd

But at least there’s no ringing phones!

By Lesley Clarke

 

The country was brought to its knees

By a virus that nobody sees

We all stayed indoors

Our plans set to ‘pause’

“I’ll have another Mars bar please”

By Brenton Crew

 

A team leader was all on his own

Isolated with only his phone

But kit came his way

Now he’s skyping all day

And is happily working from home.

By Dave Lobley

 

Sent home in March, sent laptop, softphone

The virus spreading from Brighton to Basra

No face-to-face chats, just Skype, on my own

But I had competitions from HASSRA!

By Jonathan Andrae

 

While self-isolating at home

A case manager said on the phone

I’m muffled you ask

“Cos I’m wearing a mask

For security, are you Jerome?”

By Mark Ward

 

There once was a work coach called Claire

Who saw claimants she could only just bare

But due to Covid

They couldn’t be bothered

So she sat all alone in her chair

By Martin Halliwell

 

Old Boris told everyone to stay in

Because of the special circs we are in

But boy did I hate it                                                             

I sure didn’t rate it                                                               

Got through it by downing some gin

By Nita Draper                                 

 

Hey Basildon JCP!!

You’ve probably forgotten me.

It’s been such a long time,

Since you’ve heard me whine,

 But don’t forget I will soon be free.

By D=Sharon Baker

 

We are told to stay 2 metres apart

but sometimes I don`t have the heart

to say, “Put on your mask,

this is not a great task

to help COVID 19 depart.

By Claire Duff-Godfrey

 

Covid has been a real pain

Who knows what it’s done to my brain

Although masks are just hell

I think I’ve done well

But I don’t want to do it again!

By Valerie Self

 

A lady from Essex was so sad

Found working at home drove her quite mad!

Her blond roots went freestyle 

Her false nails looked quite vile

And her belly expansion was just bad!! 

By Jackie Raja

 

So lockdown came, dong, I went crazy

My OCD kicked in

Normal life became lazy

But still scared to touch the bin

Socialising’s gone, becoming hazy…..

By Verity Hamlin

 

Lockdown, Breakdown, made me frown

Couldn’t believe my hometown was shut down

Wasn’t allowed into work, so I learnt how to twerk

My husband would smirk, which sent me berserk

But my team got me through and I calmed down J

By Nicola Russell

 

Pandemic! I hear people say

You will have to stay home every day

If you don’t wear a mask

You’ll get taken to task

Like I did when I went to Calais!

By Steph Jarvis

 

I can honestly say

They’re infernal

The messages sent via journal

I can clear them all day

But they won’t go away

Perpetual! Ceaseless! Eternal!

By Louise Tetlow

 

There was a Civil Servant from Leigh

Locked down in her house by the Sea

Available by skype

Or an email she’ll type

In the poshest pyjamas you’ll see

By Tracey Jones

 

There once was a man from Norwich

He applied for plumbing at college

He set sites on his course

And bought tools from a source

But due to covid there's a blockage.

By Kevin Seymour

 

It’s a shutdown

Covid had us knockdown

Some of us folks got fat now

But not all was a flop down

The key workers took the crown out

Hats off to the survivors

In the close down

We are not going to stay down

By Judith Smithson

 

There was once a fat lady

Who wanted to be slim

But along came COVID

And the idea went into the bin

She tried and she failed

And boy did she wail

So she consoled herself with a bottle of ale!

By Debbie Hall

 

There once was a girl called Iris

Who thought she’d contracted the virus

She took a sniff of a Rose

Trapping a wasp up her nose.

And that was the end of poor Iris.

By Sandra Gilchrist

 

There was a young lady called Dawn

Who was shielding and feeling forlorn

She made cake after cake

Then some scones she did take

For tea on the freshly cut lawn

By Dawn Sommerford

 

I got sent home from Spain in a plane

Don’t know when I’ll get back there again

Now I’m sat at my shiny new desk

In the place I love best

And I’m not going back to that office again

By John Kerr

 

Stay in! Don't go out! Don't you work!

Were the orders from some blonde haired twerp.

Wash your hands, keep your distance

Was Boris's insistence.

"Let me out before I go beserk!!.

By Beverley Flaxon-Pallot

 

There wa a young lady from Peckham

She was wanted to meet David Beckham

So desperate to do 

She pushed in the queue

If anyone moaned she'd just deck em !

By Jackie Robertson

 

There was a fella named Damo Lidster

Who couldn’t get rid of a blister

Locked down by covid 19

Begged help from his aunt Eileen

Her cure made his hair turn all a glister

By David Ellis

 

Lockdown Lockdown its all going down

Lockdown Lockdown the sun just wants to frown

Lockdown Lockdown I am finally Free

Lockdown Lockdown to sail in the Deep Blue Sea.

 

Ode to Lock down never a Frown

Ode to Lock down to wear a ball gown

Ode to lock down the moon will always shine

Ode to lock down so I can drink My Red Wine.

By Marcia Jolly

 

Seven Weeks of Training were complete!

And I looked forward to those I would greet.

Then Covid appeared,

My new diary was cleared,

Thus Isolation was all that I’d meet L.

By Lewis Chambers

 

In lockdown while working from home,

I've put on a covid stone

There are so many rucks,

Underneath all these tucks.

The world must never be shown!

By Suzanne Hill

 

Lauren Kilbey got locked-down in Spain.

Getting home was rather a pain.

She got a fright

when they cancelled her Flight

And told her in her room to remain.

By Lauren Kilbey

 

The garden got dug, the house got clean

Outside my home I haven’t been seen

Not one to bulk buy

I risk a drip dry

Each Monday til the Asda man’s been

By Bev Watson

 

This Norfolk boy’s main lockdown strife

Meant he had to speak to wife

Cooked, cleaned, gave up hope

Even used carpet soap

Please let’s get back to normal life!!!!!

By Ken Smart

 

“ Neither I nor my Dad or Grandpa understood LOCKDOWN

  All wondered  whether it’s a verb, adjective or a NOUN

  My friend said that it is a LOCK

 And thus put me in a DOCK

 So angered I left for my bedroom donning my GOWN”

By Nalini Samani

 

There was an old work coach named Mim,

Who was trying so hard to be slim.

The lockdown wreaked havoc.

She felt such a wazzock,

When she found herself locked out the gym.

By Miriam Wood

 

My hair oh my hair she cried

It look like I’ve been hard wired

She tried everything

Home colour, home thinning

Ended looking like she’d been fried

By Madeleine Matowicz

 

I was once a little naïve

And certainly didn’t believe

I would be locked away

Forever and a day

From this house I never could leave

By Fay Evans

 

Some still in office, lot’s working from home

Supporting each other, via skype, email and phone

Making the Best

Of that Covid pest

Together we are, meaning we’re never alone.

By Sandra Vickery

 

This Covid 19’s  arrived with such a frightful force,

Took us all by surprise, but we managed of course!

We care, but would not share

Those germs we would not dare!

Whether work here or at home, togetherness our source

By Kim Coote

 

445am! How absurd to hear dawn’s early birds

I'd so dearly love hearing their words

As they tweet their chitty chatter

For them nothing else matters

All this whilst scoffing their seconds and thirds!

By Chris Keeley

 

The Supermarket just round the corner

Has masks and gloves there to order

But beware if you cough

The security’s tough

And they’ll frogmarch you off to the border

By Rachel Mayatt

 

Whilst in Lockdown through Covid 19

My Tech skills have come on like a dream

Portal, Skype, Twitter, Zoom,

All have been such a boon,

And now I can TikTok like a Teen!

By Toni Gibson

 

I boosted my skills, when locked down inside,

The drums, guitar and violin I tried.

Spoke Spanish, French, Portuguese,

I really could do all these,

Though in truth it was spent, on my backside.

By Lee Allen

 

“ Enjoying lockdown?”

The supermarket assistant asked.

“No l’m a ‘key worker’” said l.

“No gardening, walks, cycling, endless cups of tea”

“No relaxing holiday at home” l sigh.

“Lockdown is not for the likes of you and me!”.

By Kevin Pounds

 

Through lockdown we’ve had to survive

Work from home, wear face masks, stay alive

My kids think it’s cool

That they’ve had no school

I can’t wait for next term to arrive!

By Lisa Newman

 

There was a BoM lady called Paula

When members had queries they’d call her,

E-mail, text, Skype & Lync

She’d answer in a blink,

Coz with HASSRA in your lives it’s fulla

By Paula Burman

 

2020 OH WHAT A YEAR

WE ARE ALL IN LOCKDOWN AS COVID IS HERE

STAYING AT HOME

CONVERSING BY PHONE

WHEN CAN WE ALL FLY OUT OF HERE

By Deb Morley