Lockdown Limerick Results
1st Place –
Lockdown: A Cautionary Tale
Well working from home, who’d have thought,Of the problems with which this is fraught.
Like lighting and seating,
On video Skype meetings,
Wearing just Speedos without getting caught.
By Jonathan Hayward
2nd Place –
So we’re in the pandemic of ’20,
Two metres apart, yes that’s plenty,
And before you do ask,
Kindly put on your mask,
I don’t want to be your infectee!
By Jason White
Joint 3rd Place –
Lockdown is no fun I huff puff and moan
As I sit in my room bored and alone
Pubs are closed, no friends to meet
Nothing left to do but eat
Now I have five chins and weigh twenty stone
By Kathryn Burns
When lockdown was first put in place,
Of toilet rolls there was no trace
So I took on the task
To fashion a mask
And that wiped the smile from my face!
By David Bishop
So you want a little poem
About my experience of working from home
It’s been odd
Being on my todd
But at least there’s no ringing phones!
By Lesley Clarke
The country was brought to its knees
By a virus that nobody sees
We all stayed indoors
Our plans set to ‘pause’
“I’ll have another Mars bar please”
By Brenton Crew
A team leader was all on his own
Isolated with only his phone
But kit came his way
Now he’s skyping all day
And is happily working from home.
By Dave Lobley
Sent home in March, sent laptop, softphone
The virus spreading from Brighton to Basra
No face-to-face chats, just Skype, on my own
But I had competitions from HASSRA!
By Jonathan Andrae
While self-isolating at home
A case manager said on the phone
I’m muffled you ask
“Cos I’m wearing a mask
For security, are you Jerome?”
By Mark Ward
There once was a work coach called Claire
Who saw claimants she could only just bare
But due to Covid
They couldn’t be bothered
So she sat all alone in her chair
By Martin Halliwell
Old Boris told everyone to stay in
Because of the special circs we are in
But boy did I hate it
I sure didn’t rate it
Got through it by downing some gin
By Nita Draper
Hey Basildon JCP!!
You’ve probably forgotten me.
It’s been such a long time,
Since you’ve heard me whine,
But don’t forget I will soon be free.
By D=Sharon Baker
We are told to stay 2 metres apart
but sometimes I don`t have the heart
to say, “Put on your mask,
this is not a great task
to help COVID 19 depart.
By Claire Duff-Godfrey
Covid has been a real pain
Who knows what it’s done to my brain
Although masks are just hell
I think I’ve done well
But I don’t want to do it again!
By Valerie Self
A lady from Essex was so sad
Found working at home drove her quite mad!
Her blond roots went freestyle
Her false nails looked quite vile
And her belly expansion was just bad!!
By Jackie Raja
So lockdown came, dong, I went crazy
My OCD kicked in
Normal life became lazy
But still scared to touch the bin
Socialising’s gone, becoming hazy…..
By Verity Hamlin
Lockdown, Breakdown, made me frown
Couldn’t believe my hometown was shut down
Wasn’t allowed into work, so I learnt how to twerk
My husband would smirk, which sent me berserk
But my team got me through and I calmed down J
By Nicola Russell
Pandemic! I hear people say
You will have to stay home every day
If you don’t wear a mask
You’ll get taken to task
Like I did when I went to Calais!
By Steph Jarvis
I can honestly say
The messages sent via journal
I can clear them all day
But they won’t go away
Perpetual! Ceaseless! Eternal!
By Louise Tetlow
There was a Civil Servant from Leigh
Locked down in her house by the Sea
Available by skype
Or an email she’ll type
In the poshest pyjamas you’ll see
By Tracey Jones
There once was a man from Norwich
He applied for plumbing at college
He set sites on his course
And bought tools from a source
But due to covid there's a blockage.
By Kevin Seymour
It’s a shutdown
Covid had us knockdown
Some of us folks got fat now
But not all was a flop down
The key workers took the crown out
Hats off to the survivors
In the close down
We are not going to stay down
By Judith Smithson
There was once a fat lady
Who wanted to be slim
But along came COVID
And the idea went into the bin
She tried and she failed
And boy did she wail
So she consoled herself with a bottle of ale!
By Debbie Hall
There once was a girl called Iris
Who thought she’d contracted the virus
She took a sniff of a Rose
Trapping a wasp up her nose.
And that was the end of poor Iris.
By Sandra Gilchrist
There was a young lady called Dawn
Who was shielding and feeling forlorn
She made cake after cake
Then some scones she did take
For tea on the freshly cut lawn
By Dawn Sommerford
I got sent home from Spain in a plane
Don’t know when I’ll get back there again
Now I’m sat at my shiny new desk
In the place I love best
And I’m not going back to that office again
By John Kerr
Stay in! Don't go out! Don't you work!
Were the orders from some blonde haired twerp.
Wash your hands, keep your distance
Was Boris's insistence.
"Let me out before I go beserk!!.
By Beverley Flaxon-Pallot
There wa a young lady from Peckham
She was wanted to meet David Beckham
So desperate to do
She pushed in the queue
If anyone moaned she'd just deck em !
By Jackie Robertson
There was a fella named Damo Lidster
Who couldn’t get rid of a blister
Locked down by covid 19
Begged help from his aunt Eileen
Her cure made his hair turn all a glister
By David Ellis
Lockdown Lockdown its all going down
Lockdown Lockdown the sun just wants to frown
Lockdown Lockdown I am finally Free
Lockdown Lockdown to sail in the Deep Blue Sea.
Ode to Lock down never a Frown
Ode to Lock down to wear a ball gown
Ode to lock down the moon will always shine
Ode to lock down so I can drink My Red Wine.
By Marcia Jolly
Seven Weeks of Training were complete!
And I looked forward to those I would greet.
Then Covid appeared,
My new diary was cleared,
Thus Isolation was all that I’d meet L.
By Lewis Chambers
In lockdown while working from home,
I've put on a covid stone
There are so many rucks,
Underneath all these tucks.
The world must never be shown!
By Suzanne Hill
Lauren Kilbey got locked-down in Spain.
Getting home was rather a pain.
She got a fright
when they cancelled her Flight
And told her in her room to remain.
By Lauren Kilbey
The garden got dug, the house got clean
Outside my home I haven’t been seen
Not one to bulk buy
I risk a drip dry
Each Monday til the Asda man’s been
By Bev Watson
This Norfolk boy’s main lockdown strife
Meant he had to speak to wife
Cooked, cleaned, gave up hope
Even used carpet soap
Please let’s get back to normal life!!!!!
By Ken Smart
“ Neither I nor my Dad or Grandpa understood LOCKDOWN
All wondered whether it’s a verb, adjective or a NOUN
My friend said that it is a LOCK
And thus put me in a DOCK
So angered I left for my bedroom donning my GOWN”
By Nalini Samani
There was an old work coach named Mim,
Who was trying so hard to be slim.
The lockdown wreaked havoc.
She felt such a wazzock,
When she found herself locked out the gym.
By Miriam Wood
My hair oh my hair she cried
It look like I’ve been hard wired
She tried everything
Home colour, home thinning
Ended looking like she’d been fried
By Madeleine Matowicz
I was once a little naïve
And certainly didn’t believe
I would be locked away
Forever and a day
From this house I never could leave
By Fay Evans
Some still in office, lot’s working from home
Supporting each other, via skype, email and phone
Making the Best
Of that Covid pest
Together we are, meaning we’re never alone.
By Sandra Vickery
This Covid 19’s arrived with such a frightful force,
Took us all by surprise, but we managed of course!
We care, but would not share
Those germs we would not dare!
Whether work here or at home, togetherness our source
By Kim Coote
445am! How absurd to hear dawn’s early birds
I'd so dearly love hearing their words
As they tweet their chitty chatter
For them nothing else matters
All this whilst scoffing their seconds and thirds!
By Chris Keeley
The Supermarket just round the corner
Has masks and gloves there to order
But beware if you cough
The security’s tough
And they’ll frogmarch you off to the border
By Rachel Mayatt
Whilst in Lockdown through Covid 19
My Tech skills have come on like a dream
Portal, Skype, Twitter, Zoom,
All have been such a boon,
And now I can TikTok like a Teen!
By Toni Gibson
I boosted my skills, when locked down inside,
The drums, guitar and violin I tried.
Spoke Spanish, French, Portuguese,
I really could do all these,
Though in truth it was spent, on my backside.
By Lee Allen
“ Enjoying lockdown?”
The supermarket assistant asked.
“No l’m a ‘key worker’” said l.
“No gardening, walks, cycling, endless cups of tea”
“No relaxing holiday at home” l sigh.
“Lockdown is not for the likes of you and me!”.
By Kevin Pounds
Through lockdown we’ve had to survive
Work from home, wear face masks, stay alive
My kids think it’s cool
That they’ve had no school
I can’t wait for next term to arrive!
By Lisa Newman
There was a BoM lady called Paula
When members had queries they’d call her,
E-mail, text, Skype & Lync
She’d answer in a blink,
Coz with HASSRA in your lives it’s fulla
By Paula Burman
2020 OH WHAT A YEAR
WE ARE ALL IN LOCKDOWN AS COVID IS HERE
STAYING AT HOME
CONVERSING BY PHONE
WHEN CAN WE ALL FLY OUT OF HERE
By Deb Morley